Here he refers to the final inner peace he has reached by going through the sacrifice, the confrontation with his demons. He obviously reconciled himself with his physical existence. Perhaps he was somehow aspiring to non-physical sex, tantric sex with his inner spirit guide, subconsciously valuing the "clean" and "higher" aspects as better than the "unclean" and lower, the physical parts of life. This is a wonderful account of a transformational journey, a becoming whole and holy at the same time.

Actually I hope and believe that the term "sin" here is just used to make the rhyme - or as a kind of jab at society, that is so used to calling homosexual love a "sin"

He finally took on bord the negation of hierarchy, the full self-empowerment that comes with self-responsibility. He would have let go of his submissiveness in favor of surrender. A dis-empowered person can only be submissive, projecting the lost inner authority onto the other person. Surrender and union is only possible, when the person is in full command of himself

This is now probably quite a scary part, like a choir of demonic voices, wanting to feed of the energy that is floating around, due to the fact, that his consciousness is not one-pointed and completely absorbed in the union.

As soon as the first entity would have appeared, he would have gotten into his fears and pretty much instantly a lot of hungry ghosts would have manifested.

Here, I believe, is a reference to a fragmented part of himself showing up. She would have pointed this out. To the degree he would have been subconsciously holding back from complete union, separate entities would have manifested from the fragments. The first would have been the judgmental and prideful part of himself.

The "shiny" part is the subtle matter of the astral body, the meaty bit for the main course would be required, if he wanted her to take on a physical body, but it could also be the "Xing", the Kundalini energy, that is denser than the astral body and the sharing of this would allow a tantric union.

Here he refers for the first time to the "Goddess", probably he begged to see her in a form, wanting to know, what she looked like. But immediately he gets onto "dangerous ground", or at least it will appear to him like that, for she would have to demand a sacrifice from him, so she can take on form. Since she is a pure spirit, she would demand complete communion, a surrender without holding back anything. This will immediately bring up all his fears and fragmentation within his own consciousness. Therefore he most likely cannot surrender and empty out completely.

Here he gets into a greater distance to the traditional church, he has obviously trusted his spirit guide and explores other concepts for what is happening with him, using the word "pagan" and yet his lover is still formless like sunlight.

Here he finds the secret doorway, that will eventually resolve the situation. "Good God" is an expression used in exasperation, in confusion, in helplessness - and he is offering his life. To the degree he is serious about this, he will succeed and in the end get out of the shadow part of his sex-life he is obviously struggling with. Giving up one's life is a serious meditation practice, where one invites transcendence by dying to the shadow-self. This is best done in an inner attitude, where one is so acutely aware of the suffering created by the shadow-self that one prefers to literally die, rather than keep running around with it - then the process can take off.

Here he is in doubt about the truth of the inner voice of his spirit guide. It sounds as if this gentle inner voice is at once more forgiving and positive towards his homosexuality, but on the other hand also a lot stricter, than he can imagine himself to be with himself. This may refer to the emotional and perhaps also physical netherworld he gets into in his sexual encounters. The voice of wisdom would not let him get away with addictive behaviour, so he says: "sharpen your knives". The deathless death would be the tantric transcendence of sexual energy, the ability to abide in the moment of highest arousal without acting it out. The iiner voice would have counseled him to use this path in order to get out of the addictive trap of same-gender sex.

He is begging his spirit guide to provide a similar service for him as the earthly church does. Where he can follow a clear guideline, where he can serve and he is desperate. He promises complete surrender and loyalty like a dog, because he is used to churches and authorities, who demand this kind of stuff.

Since he experiences the high degree of wisdom and skill of his spirit guide, he hopes, that s/he can simply command him to "be well". This means that he must experience the real live sex with men as somehow "un-well". I can understand this. Homosexual love burns hotter and is therefore more addictive and it is easier to slide into some kind of mental-emotional netherworld, especially if he has multiple partners, where the sexual aspect is in the foreground and the person to person love-connection takes the back seat.

However, his body desires sexual experience with another male body, not only on the tantric level with his spirit guide, who most probably comes through as androgynous, female voice but a male kind of thinking.

This is a bit cryptic. I think he is talking about his bad experiences with real live lovers and compares this with the sublime state of heavenly, tantric love, he feels, when he is in contact with his spirit guide.

She encourages him to explore his desires, rather than to deny, control, judge or condemn them. In other words, he needs to get out of agonising about things and experience directly the nature of his desires, where they lead him.

His church is his internal church with his Lover, the voice of wisdom at the center. Since it is real wisdom, humorous and intelligent, it will not offer any black and white solutions, will not tell him: "you are all fine", or "you are all lost".

Here he is talking to her directly about other gay friends, who have succumbed to the indoctrination and believe in their "sickness", much to their own detriment.

The lover is the internal voice of wisdom, probably sounding really like a female voice, who explains to him the reactions of the people around him. He probably went through a period of time, when he struggled with the message himself, not daring to believe the unexpected approval, feeling suspicious. But then he must have become convinced and surrendered to "worshiping" letting go of his self-disapproval and experiencing great relief.

The Lover is an internal voice of wisdom, keeping him sane in the face of the confrontation with public opinion.